Abuses Don’t Need to Hurt you

My friend called me up, in the middle of the night, crying. She had just gotten into a fight with another friend’s ex-boyfriend. She said, “I’ve never felt so insulted in my life!” I was taken aback when she said that, when she continued, “He said I was a whore, and a bitch who did stuff with all the dogs on the street!”

Normally one would’ve had excessive violent reactions to that. But somehow, I was kind of indifferent to it. I know it may have meant to be extremely offensive, but it just didn’t have that effect on me. Some may say, it wasn’t said to me, hence it didn’t affect me so much. But to clarify their doubts, even if these or any greater degree of abusive insults were to be used on me, I would get a tad angry (depending on what degree I place the abuse), but it wouldn’t really ‘offend’ me as such. And let me tell you why.

It doesn’t affect me. I personally know that I could never be what they claim me to be and anybody saying that, doesn’t change the fact that I’m not.

First off, remember when our parents used to tell us, ‘if XYZ calls you a donkey you don’t become one, and you certainly were never one in the first place.’? So why did she get so offended? If she could’ve just kept shut, and instead of reacting or retorting, if she could’ve just stopped and thought for two seconds, ‘if this bloke says I’m a whore, I don’t become one and I certainly never was one.’

I tried to avoid it, but here I go with the crude language. Basically, take two people for instance, let’s call them ‘M’ and ‘N’. So, M and N get into a fight, and M calls N, a mother f***er, followed by N calling M a b**t*rd and so on. It leads to a fist fight, the cops come and so on and so forth.

If N could’ve just told M on his face, ‘none of what you say is going to lessen the sanctity of my relationship with my mother’ or if M could’ve just told N, ‘none of what you say can ever change the fact that my parents did in fact get married before having me’, it would’ve saved them a lot of trouble.

It isn’t the truth. The truth hurts, abuses shouldn’t.

Now, like I said, of course an abuse, supposedly offensive, can’t change anything about you or does not state any fact about you. And if one may ask why, it’s simply because it isn’t the truth. In terms of what hurts more, the truth definitely hurts far more than anything in this world. And, if this isn’t the truth, and merely a ‘false claim’ on your personality, dignity or upbringing than you should have the ability to laugh at the supposed ‘offender’ and at his limited vocabulary and and lack of knowledge or information about you.

Saying nothing in return, has a far greater impact than counter-abusing. It agitates them much more.

What annoys someone who’s abusing you most is when you say nothing back to them, and no I don’t mean keep quiet with a long face, just waiting to burst into tears. I mean, standing in front of them, and keeping quiet, without gesturing any signs of getting offended, and somewhat laughing at them and the situation. You could take that as miniature victory. In a situation like this nothing frustrates more than someone not getting insulted by insults.

No point stooping down to their level.

And whatever said and done, I definitely wouldn’t want to stoop down to the level of someone immature enough to use borrowed phrases to offend me. It really isn’t about tolerance or anything. If you really want to retaliate to someone who just abused you, all you need to say is, something like, ‘Oh come on, you can do better than that, very limited vocabulary, must say, you really need to broaden your literary horizon!’ And it’ll work like magic. 😉

12 Best Ways to Repel a Phone-Stalker

1. Start talking to him as if you were 5 people in the same body. 😛

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2. Start selling him your fridge, computer or TV.

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3. Tell him that you’ll only talk to him if he promises to marry you or else you’ll kill yourself. 😈

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4. Say you got a sex-change, and he’s the perfect man for you. 😉

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5. Say, aah finally I found someone suited for my brother.

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6. Say, “I’m not interested as yet, but would you be interested in home loans, car loans or opening an account at XYZ bank?” 😐

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7. Say, “dude! you suck at stalking. I’ll teach you how it’s done.” And then keep calling around 50 times a day without letting him pick up. 😈

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8. Say, “can you just hold for a sec? My secret assassin is on the other line. Please don’t tell anyone about him, he just got out of jail.”

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9. Start telling him how you’re planning to kill a famous politician and what suggestions does he have. 😈

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10. Start explaining to him the philosophies of life and afterlife. 😛

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11. Tell him you’re a secret agent from the ISI, and if he can help you get Kasab out of prison.

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12. Say you’re neck-deep in debt and if he can loan you a crore or so. 😆

Happy Teacher’s day to Everyone (and not just Teachers).

Since today is teacher’s day I’d like to dedicate this to the people in my life (all of them, not necessarily teachers) who have taught me (some even unknowingly) things which I can never forget. So here goes. Following no particular order of importance:

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~Ms. V in kindergarten, who taught me how to tie my shoelaces.

~The sweetheart K, who taught me how to look confident and aware in an interview.

~One of my drivers, who taught me how to patiently release the clutch on first gear.

~Mrs. A in school, who taught me how to correctly pronounce ‘develop’, and the right places to put commas.

~My dad’s helper, who taught me how to hammer a nail into the wall.

~Another helper who taught me how to screw a light bulb.

~K’s mom, who taught me how to how to carry off high heels.

~My six year old cousin, M, who taught me how not to have any qualms about speaking your mind and dancing like no one’s watching you.

~My four year old cousin, D, who’s alergic to sugar, who taught me to be happy with the things you have and not mope about your misfortunes.

~Ms. J in school, who taught me to tell the truth and how to catch a liar.

~My best friend A, who taught me that even some of my, otherwise meaningless, theories make sense. And also, how to appreciate the occult and the unknown.

~K again, who taught me how to keep an upright posture and eat healthy.

~My aunt G, who taught me how to bargain and haggle till the shopkeeper gives in.

~My aunt G again, who taught me how to be simple and yet be powerful and very successful.

~My friend, D, who taught me how to type an SMS.

~My best friend A in college, who taught me how to be street-smart, be mean to people who deserve it, and how to use library cards.

~My best friend V in college, who taught me how to ride a bus and public transport in general.

~My dad’s friend’s son, who has cancer, and mom’s friend who was paralized torso-down, who taught me how to live life to the fullest and enjoy every moment.

~My cousin T, who taught me the basics of Buddhism as a way of life.

~My friend M, who taught me the basics of baking.

~My aunt M, who taught me how to come up with the wittiest comebacks.

~My bestest friend, T, who passed away last month, who taught me to be strong and brave and cherish every memory.

~My bestest friend T, again, who taught me how to be optimistic, to be nice to everyone alike and how to start a blog.

~My friend AA, in school, who taught me how to be sarcastic.

~My friend S, in school, who taught me how to vent out my frustrations in the right directions and be the perfect agony aunt.

~My dog, B, who taught me how to love unconditionally and not have an ego.

~My friend AB, in school, who taught me how not to be a fashion victim and create your own style statement.

~My college friend P, who taught me how to be efficient in work and stick to deadlines. To be a patient person and tolerate people even when they get really difficult, and just to be a friend in need.

~Ms. C, in college, who taught me how to be aware and proffessionally competent.

~Ms. S, in school, who gave me my first lessons in feminism.

~Ms. A, in College, who took the feminism lesson to another level.

~My friend D, who taught me how to wear lenses.

~T’s mom, who just lost her daughter, who taught me how to be positive in life and be so very brave.

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And last, but definitely not the least;

~Both my mom and dad, who have and will continue to teach me things in life, right from walking and talking, to greeting elders, to wearing a sari, to doing push-ups, to folding clothes, and so many more countless things… the list is endless and I’ll never find enough space to write all of it.

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A big thank you to all of you for playing an essential role in my life… 🙂

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So, if you want to thank those special people who have inadvertently taught you something in life, I think today is the perfect day to do so. 🙂

To Love who you are and be ‘Glee’-ful…

Today was the season finale of ‘Glee’, my favourite show, ever since the second season of ‘Castle’ ended (all this by Indian time).

For those of you who don’t know, Glee is about a group of school kids who belong to a school show choir and their optimistic teacher’s attempts to make them find themselves.

I’ve always loved Glee for the splendid performances and the brilliant song covers and the fact that even though I am not particularly fond of musicals, this show has something special about it that makes me love it so much.

But more than anything else it has a message. It tells you that, no matter who you are, what others think of you, or where you come from, you are an individual and are special in your own way.

Their coach, Will Schuster, did do a good job of transforming nobodies into somebodies and those who thought they were somebodies (and apparently weren’t) into someone who they really were.

It didn’t have a movie-like ending of the underdogs winning the final competition. In fact the team in question, ‘New Directions’ didn’t stand anywhere in the competition. But no matter what direction the competition took, I truly believe (and so would most of us) that it was a happy ending.

Because, at the end of the day they learnt, that no matter who wins, all that counts is the fact that they put their heart and soul into what they did and loved doing and enjoyed it. It is the journey that matters and not the destination and if the journey was great, no one needs to care about the destination.

In the end they all found the true meaning of happiness because they found friends, found love, found their strengths and weaknesses, and most of all, they found themselves, who they truly are.

The initial part of the show reminded me of my days at middle school, when I hated who I was and wished like hell that I could be special. And it took me three years thereafter to change my outlook and love who I was, because no matter who others thought me to be I knew I was special in my own unique way.

And this very idea was reinforced into me by this very show.

So all those who’ve been watching ‘Glee’ (and even those who have not), if you’ve ever felt that you wanted to be someone else, or weren’t good enough, think again.

Never be afraid to be who you are, your true self.

Because only then would you truly find ‘glee’ 🙂

The final performance by the Glee club group New Directions- Journey Medley. 🙂

In Our Hearts, Forever

There was a time in my life I was an unsure, naive and timid child. I was scared to face the big, bad world alone. Or even step into it for that matter. The problem was, even though I was a child at heart, I wasn’t a child anymore.

And then something happened that changed me. In ways I had never known until now. It was this girl who came into my life-my best friend. True to her name, Tejaswee was bright and radiant, and most of all, gifted.

Her coming was my own little history repeating itself. We had childhood memories together of rescuing puppies from the street and her making the most annoying yet, fascinating little magical stories of magic microwaves and pillows. She was a crazy child.

When destiny brought us together again, she was her same crazy self. But this time more mature. However, her childlike innocence was her virtue. Her smile as infectious as ever, wormed its way into everyone’s hearts. Her optimism kept our morales at a level which could not be brought down. She was the only one who had the courage to believe that the world could be a better place.

Yes. She did change me in many ways. But not like a preachy elder or life-coach. We learned from each other. It was amazing how similar we were but we still had so much to gain from one another. Day after day we evolved into better people. We motivated each other when either of us were low and criticised each other when we knew something had gone wrong.

She wasn’t too different from me, as I said before. She too had her bit of timidity and naivety. But we got rid of it together. She taught me how to be patient and I taught her how to be calm. And together we turned from girls into women.

I had opened my heart to her completely. A place which is reserved for very few. I saw the naivety reducing, and the timid me was slowly disappearing. She taught me how to be cautious and sometimes to let go.

We danced in the rain like little crazy tadpoles and enjoyed the winter sun with as much welcome. Talked for hours on the phone till our ears ached and reduced each other to tears when we laughed together. Got butterflies in our stomachs when we talked about guys. And went to our little fantasy world when we listened to “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz.

As we grew through life she had many things to teach me. How not to treat people differently, no matter where they belonged. How to be patient and forgiving but get angry if someone was hurt.

She was a beautiful person, and she made me a better one too. She always saw that best in me and loved me despite my countless flaws. And I loved her for that.

There was a strong, unbreakable bond between us, which nothing could’ve broken, except one thing. And the unthinkable happened. She fell sick; really sick at that. But she gave us the hope that she would be back soon. All her loved ones prayed in unison. About the one thing we all need the most at that time, which was her.

But God had been selfish. He was jealous of us for having her. And he took her away from us. That day I can never forget. Though I tried to, many-a-times through those sleepless nights.

Losing her was like losing a limb. You get used it after some time, but the absence would always be felt.

Life did go on. But it could never be the same without her. I would long for that laughter time and again. But it was like she had taken my laughter with her.

But then again, she was a special person. Whenever I thought about her I didn’t have a single memory of the times spent with her, which could make me angry or sad and I never regretted any moment spent with her. Whenever I thought of her, it made me smile. And I knew somewhere, this was her doing, her trying to heal my wounds.

I looked at her pictures regularly, recalling every moment they were taken. And soon I got into contemplating. I thought about how she changed my life. How she made me a better person. A more patient, optimistic and rational being.

And from where I stand today, even as she left, she taught me a lesson in life. She made me a brave, mature and a stronger person. She indeed made me grow through life.

Tejaswee came into my life for a reason, stayed there for a season but will always remain in my heart forever.