For the many thoughts that come and go unannounced and the ones which refuse to budge out of my head…

Archive for the ‘Female’ Category

Beauty in a Miracle

I often ask my father how I look when I try a new dress on. And he always replies with what I find rather unusual, ‘You look very pretty. But for me, that 5 pound baby covered in blood will always be the most beautiful.’

This often puzzled me. It was a tad heavy for a fourteen-year-old to understand. As I grew older, I asked my dad what this meant, when he finally told me when I was in my twenties…

“It was raining heavily that night. Your mother, then in her ninth month of pregnancy, was having several contractions and was in severe pain. The hospital was nearby, but going there would’ve taken too long, so we tried to call the doctor to our home.

A doctor and two nurses had arrived after an hour-long drive, for what would’ve taken merely 15 minutes otherwise. The rain didn’t stop and neither did your mom’s wailing.

I held your mom in my arms and lay her on the bed. She was at her heaviest best, but I didn’t feel a thing when I lifted her. All I wanted was for you two to be safe. Your mother leaked unfamiliar moans out of her pores in pain. I held her hand but I still felt as helpless as ever.

“The baby’s crowning. I can see the head.” One of the doctors said after making your mother push several times. I held your mother and wiped the sweat on her forehead every few seconds. She was being brave, and despite the pain, she tried to push you out with all her might.

After that eventful hour, the doctor held you in her arm and your mother fell into an unconscious state. There, in the doctor’s hands, was this little thing with blood all over its body and scratches of hair on its head. I asked the doctor if it was a girl or a boy and with a gloomy expression on her face, she said, “she isn’t breathing.”

My face fell. I went numb. It was like my world had come crashing down on me.

“Please do something, doctor.” I yelled in exasperation. At that moment the only thing I could be relieved about was your mother not being conscious.

The doctor kept you on the study table and rubbed your back and feet. Everyone in the room felt helpless, and watching the colour of your little body change, a tear rolled down my eye.

An hour passed by, the doctor now told the nurse to bring in a vessel full of hot water to dip a towel to rub on your chest. As time went by, she felt more and more restless.

Your mother was conscious now. And after telling her what happened she began to wail incessantly.

The doctor wrapped you in a blanket and took you to another room. Three hours had passed. And the nurse put her hand on my shoulder and said, ‘please pray for a miracle to happen’.

The doctor kept you on a higher platform, and rubbed your chest continuously. We had almost given up hope.

In a desperate attempt the doctor dipped her rubber-glove covered hands in the warm water to clean it. While rubbing your chest with one hand, she pinched your tiny nose and after a brief look at the sky in what was the briefest prayer ever, she brought her mouth close to yours and breathed into it. She kept doing that for a few minutes, until a miracle happened. All of a sudden you gave a meek cough, and a viscous liquid came gushing out of your mouth.

That sight I can never forget- your mother’s smile amid her tears and the sound of you crying from the other room.

The doctor brought you in, smiling, and gave you to your mother saying, “I’ll let you hold her before the nurse cleans her up.”

I had never seen that expression on your mother’s face before that day, it was full of joy, relief and tiredness. She gave you to me after she cajoled you and you stopped crying.

I had held you for the first time that moment. I could never be more thankful to God for giving me what was in my arms. You were still covered in a slimy liquid, your eyes still closed and you were wrapped in a towel. I rocked you gently a few times and I saw calmness on your face. It was that instant that I realised that, to me that was the most beautiful sight ever. The life that ran through your veins, that calm expression on your face, that beautiful little nose and mouth through which I could feel a mild breath pass through; it was all so beautiful.

For me beauty was in the life that I could feel in you, one which had given me more joy than I could ever imagine; beauty was in the eyes of your mother which cried and smiled at the same time; beauty was in the miracle that I had just witnessed. And in my eyes you will always be the most beautiful when I held you in my arms and felt you breath.

From that day on, I found beauty in every smile, every laugh, and every movement of yours. Because you were my miracle baby and whenever I saw you I knew what real beauty meant to me.

 What my father often told me was crystal clear to me now. I felt a little happy tear roll down my eye. My perception of ‘real beauty’ changed after my father narrated this story of the beauty in a miracle.


Rape is Far More than a Law and Order Problem

The Oxford dictionary defines rape as ‘The unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force to have sexual intercourse’.

Rape isn’t really a contemporary issue, it is a phenomenon which sadly, has been a part of our society and human history in general, since time immemorial. During all wars, the winning army ravaged the women of the losing one. If we look back in time, humans have a history of male superiority and aggressive behaviour. And till the recent past, a rapist was not even ‘publicly’ looked down upon.

It is only now, in today’s time that it has been widely accepted as a crime itself, and that to a heinous one. The committer of the crime does bear the consequences of the law, but the social stigma the victim goes through and the way she is looked down upon thereon is a much deep-rooted sociological problem.

Why is it so difficult for a victim to, let alone leave it behind, but at the least, come out in the open about it? Why is the victim blamed for being/dressing in a provocative manner? What is it that makes the assaulter fearless about committing the crime?

There is an imperative need for the laws to get more stringent, but more than that, we need to address the social aspect of the problem.

Isn’t it rather ironic, that in a country like ours where discussing sex is a taboo thing, rapes happen at an astonishingly high rate?

The very basic blemish in our society is the way we treat sex, moreover the way we look at ‘pre-marital’ sex. By conventional ideology of society, if a girl is not a virgin or is raped, she would have been considered ‘loose’, ‘dirty’, ‘immoral’, or just that she ‘deserved it’ for being dressed in a certain ‘immodest’ way.

Even if a rape-victim tries to seek justice, say, goes to a police station to do so, she is likely to be seen as all the above and there is a huge possibility of her advantage being taken there as well. In other words, it becomes a given that the fact that she already has been raped, she has nothing to lose by being sexually assaulted further. This is one of the reasons why a majority of the rape-cases in the country go un-reported.

If people at a young age itself are made to believe that ‘sex’ is something which is NOT ‘bad’, ‘dirty’ or taboo half the battle is won. The whole hush-hush-ness of the subject would stop and people would start treating it with more openness. As a result, at a young age, children would be more aware, and won’t be afraid to come and tell their parents if something or someone was bothering them. One needs to realise that by hiding these things from children, or not informing them about it (and hence not supposedly ‘polluting’ their minds), one is NOT making them safer.

Moreover, as an adult, if a girl is raped, she wouldn’t succumb to societal pressure and consider extreme measures like suicide. Instead she’d come out in the open about it and get support and work towards seeking justice, instead of simply trying to restore her ‘honour’ by pushing it under the carpet.

Another problem with how rape, or any form of sexual violence is handled in our country is the whole ‘social disgrace’ which comes with it. If we removed things like ‘morality’, ‘reputation’, ‘honour’, ‘what will people say?’, etc. from rape or other sexual violence, they would be dealt with without the victim being blamed, and thus, putting some fear into an assaulter’s mind.

Maybe someday, things would change for the better. If not a full stop in rape cases at least a change in the way we treat rape or any form of sexual violence. It is after all, more than just a law and order problem. It is also a grave social problem which needs to be dealt with by first correcting several flawed aspects of societal norms we were accustomed to.

And that’s all women need, to be kept happy…

For all the guys with that one eternal question, ‘What do they do to keep a woman happy?’. Women aren’t really as complicated as you think they are. Trust me, it really doesn’t take much to make a woman happy. And it’s really not about the expensive gifts and the knight-in-shining-armour-ish conduct (though we would want that sometimes). But it’s the simple things in life that we love the most.

We do love complements and yes, we would want to be complemented all the time. But what we truly want, and would be the greatest complement for us is, that you should have eyes only for us. For instance, we’d simply love it, if a woman walks by, looking stunning as ever and you just don’t even, as much as glance at her and continue your conversation with us, that would truly make us feel special.

The popular phrase, ‘it’s the thought that matters’ aptly applies here. We do love those expensive gifts once in a while, but sometimes a heartfelt letter or card, a single red rose, a self-sung song, or just a kiss on the forehead mean so much more than those exorbitantly priced goodies. You just have to know when to give it, and trust me, you would.

We know remembering dates is our forte, but you just CANNOT afford to forget an important date (like a birthday or anniversary) and expect us to forgive you. The least you can do is be the first one to wish us or just do something special for us on that day.

When we have a problem and come to you to rant about it, we need to be heard. And not just heard, you need to listen to us. We don’t want you to give us expert advice or oodles of pity and we certainly don’t want you to tell us to ‘just chill’ and that ‘it’s no big deal’. The least you can do is pretend to listen. You just have to switch off the TV, or pull out your iPod headphones and give us a little attention. As long as we feel that we’re being listened to and not just heard, and as long as we can feel even a wee bit of empathy, our problem is almost over.

And like I said before, it’s the small things in life we love the most. A simple text message during the day, saying ‘I love you’, a tight, comforting hug when we need it the most, a complement about the way we look on a bad hair day, a walk in the pouring rain, and so many more of those little things are things which we love the most. And ultimately, that’s all women need to be kept happy. 🙂

Why I Love Being a Woman

Today I was thinking about what it would’ve been like to have been from a different gender. But I guess I belong to the upcoming breed of the ‘gender-narcissist’, which is, that I am happy and thankful to God for creating me into this gender.
And here are some of the reasons why I love being a woman:
1.Our shopping choices and looks for the season aren’t limited to stripes and solids.
2.We can order colourful, fruity and delicious drinks, with the prettiest garnishing at a bar without being judged.
3.We’re less likely to go bald.
4.We can cry when we’re stressed without being charged with metrosexuality.
5.We can burn down buildings and get away with murder with just one excuse-PMS.
6.We can co-ordinate an event on SMS, update an entire bunch of friends on bluetooth and flash smiles at a cousin’s wedding, all at the same time.
7.We don’t have to love sports and know at least one to be respected by our gender.
8.We can read maps and we have no hang-ups about stopping to ask for directions.
9.We can have a baby.
10.We always get place to sit when using public transport. It’s the law.
11.We can get into the poshest clubs wearing open footwear and jeans.
12.We don’t have to shave everyday, and no one needs to know.
13.We know exactly when to let out and when to control emotions.
14.We can love pink or any other colour we genuinely like.
15.We can see through people, and nine out of ten times, our intuitions are accurate.
Indeed, I love being a woman. 🙂

There’s a place in ‘Stereotype-hell’ reserved for me.

I saw this awesome post by IHM, titled Sinners against gender stereotyping.
And here are my set of sins. Some day I shall go to stereotype hell for them. 😛
My sins against gender stereotyping:
1. I am a foodie and love being called one. And I even love talking about food and trying out new cuisines (exotic meat included).
2. I am NOT scared of cockroaches and lizards! They’re as harmless as can be.
3. I love rock music (excluding heavy metal).
4. I have a thing for technology and gadgets. And I know how to operate them.
5. I can screw a light-bulb and hammer a nail!
6. I adore dogs. To an extent that I consider them more human.
7. I can drive, replenish the battery-fluid, and even change a flat tyre.
8. I prefer shorts to skirts. ANYDAY.
9. I don’t like lipsticks. Any cosmetic would do. But lipsticks repel me!
10. I can even open up electronics, fix them and put them back together. (And I’m not doing engineering).
11. I am not scared of the dark (though I possess the humanly trait of getting freaked by horror movies).
12. I can play cards and I sometimes even gamble with family during Diwali.
13. I can whistle!
14. I laugh like a monster when I find something really funny and often come up with my own jokes.
15. I love bikes (though I can’t ride them- I still love them).
16. I am aware of and can discuss about politics.
17. I can’t cook to save my life (or probably just enough to save my life).
18. I love dinosaurs. They fascinate me.
19. I don’t cry in front of people unless it’s a HUGE deal.
20.I dislike gossip and eves-dropping.
21. I detest soap-operas.
22. I can read maps!
23. I love playing video games. Especially ones which involve cars and guns.
24. Mess is my soulmate. I need my workspace to get messy for me to function. And i hate it when people tell me that my messy room is so ‘un-lady-like’ of me.
And though I’m a proud sinner against gender stereotyping, I also love teddy bears, romantic movies, the rain, love songs, shopping, shoes, kajal, babies, the colour pink, chocolates, jewellery and I love to bake.
I am proud to be who I am.