For the many thoughts that come and go unannounced and the ones which refuse to budge out of my head…

Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

A ‘Clip’ on a Journalist’s ‘Shoulder’


“Uttarakhand: Rain, floods and landslides hit rescue operations, thousands still stranded”, read the headline in a popular go-to-for-everything website, I have trusted all along my academic life.

Little did I know that the devastation of the floods and the heart breaking visuals of falling buildings and faces of the miserable trapped and desperate faces would soon give way to something I wasn’t really expecting. Another one of those viral-yet-comical, brave-yet-insensitive amusing little guilty pleasures we all crave for came in a time like this.

This morning, Youtube, the boiling pot for all the good, the bad, and the funny on the Internet gave me just what I needed- a dismissal of almost everything that I learnt in undergrad level Journalism. If not everything, well at least this was a clear dismissal of lessons in Journalistic Ethics-101.

Click to watch video

Click to watch video

Recent Internet sensation, Narayan Pargaien, is a man of high stature. Well, at least that’s what he apparently likes to portray. The video of his report on the Uttarakhand flood is now viral on the Internet, not because he did a remarkable job of it, rather because he did what most politicians and self-righteous moral police would kill to achieve- deviating from the main issue.

Not only was his report a wee bit of an exaggeration, it was also a wee bit distracting, and a wee bit annoying, and a wee bit comical, okay fine, it was certainly more than just a wee bit comical. What do you expect out of a flood report video, which is high on ‘video’ but has little or no ‘flood’. And ‘reporting’? Now that’s just asking for too much. If you haven’t seen it yet, the video is of reporter Narayan Pargaien, doing his job (which as much as I’d like to disagree, is ‘reporting’), atop the shoulder of a man, presumably a flood victim in Uttarakhand. The flood and victims, government support and rescue operations are just the few things he said that most people who’ve seen the video just once have conveniently overlooked. Because well, you cannot blame the man on the shoulder to not get through to you, he tried his best on his part… It is all your fault you person with a short attention span!

Okay now I sense too much bashing happening here. Let’s cut him some slack and give the poor man the benefit of doubt (I was talking about the man who’s carrying him, who did you think? I said poor).

Anyway, so why do you think the man resorted to what the Internet has termed as ‘inhuman journalism’? Who knows? Maybe Mr. Pargaien was ahead of our time or a literary genius for all you know, metaphorically depicting the ‘burden on the shoulder’ of the man via journo… ahem… floods, yes floods, that took away everything from him. Poetic isn’t he? Or maybe it was just humour he (unintentionally I suppose?) wanted us all to see in a situation where that is the last thing one can offer. Well, whatever floats your boat Mr. Pargaien, or rather, whatever ensures you float.

Now, time to cut Mr. Pargaien some slack, after all everyone does not have the luxury of a Yellow Submarine, like the Beatles. The man did do whatever he could to save himself from the still unpredictable flood. Of course, it would’ve been an ounce better if our shoulder man could’ve also saved Mr. Pargaien from the flood of Internet commenters. But you can’t have everything you know.

All said and done, we are still in a deep, dark, dingy place where the country’s media is concerned. There is still an enormous amount of growing up that the media needs to do. And when it comes to a tiny droplet of a mishap like this one, the Internet will make sure the ghost of your mistakes shadow you forever.

I just hope that journalism one day becomes what it’s supposed to (wishful thinking, I know). Fair, and free, and ethical and all that jazz.

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15 Things You don’t Want to Hear During a Surgery


1. Oops! 😳

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2. I think it’s stuck! 😯

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3. Oh come on.. It’s not so bad. 4 out of ten people come out alive. 😉

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4. Which one do I cut first, the maroon-ish one or that beige one? ❓

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5. What’s that moving over there? 🙄

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6. I wonder what ‘that’ does. 😐

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7. I think we forgot something in there. 😳

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8. Sir, which one would fetch a better price? 😕

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9. Hurry up.. I’ve got to go watch the match. 😡

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10. His pulse is still on? Wow.. I’m good. :mrgreen:

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11. Students, give the subject some air. 😎

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12. Scissors.. Check.. Scalpel.. Check.. Syringe.. Check.. Tweezers.. Check.. Spectacles.. Oops.. 😳

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13. Damn.. That thing in my medical book was a mis-print.. 😯

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14. Ewww.. Blood!! 😕

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And last but definitely not the least:

15. Hmm.. Let’s try something new today! :mrgreen: 😆

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None of These in 2011, Please


So here goes, a list of some of the things I don’t want to see in the next year:

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~Reality shows– Oh for God’s sake I DO NOT care about thirty people screaming about, and sleeping around, locked in a house. I DO NOT want to see women who forgot where there lips are and put lip-gloss all over their body to grab male-attention. I DO NOT care if you think your spouse is hitting on every other human species except you and you want to test their loyalty. Please STOP it, it’s getting a bit too much now.

~Scams- There was IPL, then there was CWG, then 2G, then Adarsh, then the tapes and so on. This year we had more scams than the number of slums in our country. I don’t know which one’s worse, but at least the slums have given shelter to many.

~More soap operas– We’ve already had enough with the minors getting married, the blind girl getting married, the crippled girl getting married, the unwanted daughter, the retarded son, the eternal weeping separated couple, the 1000 year old great great grandmother, and so on. Adding to that would just make us want to wish there were dinosaurs on this planet again.

~The Twilight series- The love story of a sad mannequin and a creepy albino log of wood has been stretched to a point where it’s about to snap, and after gagging several times I’m on the verge of throwing up all my intestine’s contents.

~Power cuts- Just a wee bit more efficient power supply would do. Candle-light dinners are not as fun when there’s no electricity, you know.

~Random statuses on Facebook- I’m really not interested in the fact that you’re ‘sleeping’, ‘bored’, ‘disgusted’, ‘frustrated’, ‘sooooo happy’, angry, pooping, breathing, walking, talking, running late, having ice cream and so on… Please let those thoughts be where it belongs- in your head.

~Commercial service messages- No. I DO NOT want a house in NCR, I DO NOT want a vibrating belt tummy trimmer, I DO NOT want wallpapers of ‘hot babes’, I DO NOT want a 2% discount on a beauty treatment, I DO NOT want special massage body oil, and I certainly DO NOT want to ‘make new friends’ and chat with them. Dear Mr. service provider, please stop cluttering my inbox.

~SMS language– ‘ASAP’, ‘ATM’, ‘SMS’ is still tolerable. But does it really hurt your fingers that much to write ‘OK’ instead of ‘K’ and how on earth does ‘pikcha’ sound cooler than ‘picture’? Writing ‘ma’ instead of ‘my’ does not make you cool, Mr. Wannabe, and neither does your laziness in typing even one extra character do.

Over-hyped films, flop films, and over-hyped flop films– There was ‘Kites’, ‘Khelein hum jee jaan se’, ‘Hisss’, ‘I hate luv storryys’, ‘Aisha’, ‘Guzarish’, ‘Ravan’, ‘Anjaana Anjaani’ and just so many of those films which left me spellbound at the amount of torture these films inflicted on the audience. Dear directors, even the audience has developed a brain, it’s high time you do so too.

~Bitchiness on Koffee with Karan- So we did get those cheap thrills when we saw Sonam Kapoor bad mouthing Shobha De and the entire film industry’s dress-sense, and when Kareena Kapoor commented on Priyanka Chopra’s accent. But seriously, we do not care who hates whom and why any more.

~Inflation- With prices like these, at this rate, some day it would be cheaper to eat roti with gold rather than onions and garlic. Dear Government, you have to think of better ways of curbing over-population than killing people of starvation.

~Theories about the end of the world- Oh come on, the world will end when it has to. We can barely predict the next day’s weather accurately, let alone disasters big enough to end the world. So stop anticipating the fact and killing yourself everyday for it.

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And with that, I hope the next year proves to be better than this one, and this year leaves most of the above things behind and doesn’t take it with it into the next year. 🙂

12 Best Ways to Repel a Phone-Stalker


1. Start talking to him as if you were 5 people in the same body. 😛

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2. Start selling him your fridge, computer or TV. :mrgreen:

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3. Tell him that you’ll only talk to him if he promises to marry you or else you’ll kill yourself. 😈

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4. Say you got a sex-change, and he’s the perfect man for you. 😉

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5. Say, aah finally I found someone suited for my brother. :mrgreen:

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6. Say, “I’m not interested as yet, but would you be interested in home loans, car loans or opening an account at XYZ bank?” 😐

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7. Say, “dude! you suck at stalking. I’ll teach you how it’s done.” And then keep calling around 50 times a day without letting him pick up. 😈

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8. Say, “can you just hold for a sec? My secret assassin is on the other line. Please don’t tell anyone about him, he just got out of jail.” :mrgreen:

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9. Start telling him how you’re planning to kill a famous politician and what suggestions does he have. 😈

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10. Start explaining to him the philosophies of life and afterlife. 😛

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11. Tell him you’re a secret agent from the ISI, and if he can help you get Kasab out of prison. :mrgreen:

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12. Say you’re neck-deep in debt and if he can loan you a crore or so. 😆

You Know You’re in the 2000s and Normal When…


You know you’re a normal human being in the 2000s when:

1.You complain about almost everything from being jobless to being overworked. 😯

2.You have this one (or more) unattainable thing that you’ll always lust for. 😕

3.You have that one (or more) relative(s) that you just can’t stand. 😈

4.You hate going to the dentist. 😡

5.You are a sucker for un-wrapping gifts. :mrgreen:

6.You get a new pen and the first thing you do is sign your own name. 😉

7.You hate waking up earlier than usual, even if its five minutes. 😕

8.You have got a bruise/cut/wound at least five times in your life. 😦

9.You almost always internally gloat when you see you’re better than someone. 😈

10.You’re scared of the dark (but you’ll never admit it). 🙄

11.You turn to your phone when you’re in a different place, alone and bored. 8)

12.You think you’re better than your neighbour. 😛

13.You love to sleep. 😀

14.’Don’t open that’ means ‘open that right away’ and ‘don’t go in there’ means ‘You have to see what’s in there’. 😛

15.Your sibling signed a contract with you to bug and be bugged all there life. 😆

16.You’re obsessed (at varied levels) with your hair. 😳

17.When you’ve done something pointless, and someone else gets to know you resort to saying, “I was bored”. 😳

18.You’ve bitten your tongue at least 5 times. 😥

19.There is always this one colour which you can NOT do without. 😉

20.You get stuck at a word and it stays in your head like a sneeze stuck in your nose. 😐

21.No matter how messy or dirty you may be, you hate getting mud stuck in your shoes and bringing it home. 😡

22.Even if you don’t admit it, you simply LOVE complements. :mrgreen:

23.You learnt to properly swear on cue when you started driving. 8)

24.You hate reality shows but you’ll still watch it and criticize. 😛

And last, but definitely not the least,

25.You love bursting bubble wrap. 😆 :mrgreen:

No Biggie, The Common ‘Wealth’ Games Will be Great!


I have been trying to keep a positive attitude ever since the Common Wealth Games ’10 preparations (if we must call it that) started. And I still am trying my best to (In case you can’t see, I am saying that with a straight face).

Kalmadi may have pocketed every penny of the taxpayers’ money (okay fine, he spared 0.0000000000002% for the CWG, he isn’t that bad you see). But all said and done (literally), he means well. Our dear Mr. Kalmadi has set an ultimate example and an un-matched parameter for patriotism. All the ‘unfortunate’ incidents which led to all the countries pulling out of the Games was so that India outshines among the three countries that are participating, India, Lesotho and Somalia.

What? Somalia pulled out? That leaves us with India and Lesotho. Now at least we have an assured silver medal, if not gold. See, didn’t I tell you Kalmadi is a good man? He always means well. He is such a good man, that he even extended invitations for participation in the CWG to every other animal species and not only man. Mosquitoes and snakes have already accepted this invitation, but the other animals were too scared to participate due to unhygienic conditions (their hygiene levels are different from ours, you see).

I still believe Kalmadi is a good man. Oh yeah, and of course, Madam Dixit is a wonderful person too. Both of them have taken a stand for the anti-terrorism campaign. It is due to their effort, that we are not going to face any terrorism problem during the CWG because the terrorists said that they are going to skip CWG due to its un-liveable conditions and fear for their safety.

Aren’t all the organisers of the CWG just the most wonderful people? They’re doing so much for the welfare of the country. They tried to curb one of the major problems India faces-‘population’. But alas! The footbridge collapsed a little earlier than planned. But don’t you worry organisers-ji, your efforts are not going to go waste. ‘Dengue’ is doing the needful for you.

Organisers-ji have also ensured that nothing can go wrong. And even if anything does go wrong. They’ve dug out ample hiding space for us (come on, don’t tell me you haven’t seen the beautiful, picturesque bunkers they’ve made on the CP roads).

Madam Dixit is doing her bit of welfare too. By banning the blue-line buses, she’s ensuring that no one gets to work on time (or gets to work at all), and hence the Indian economy slows down (when did I say she was limiting the welfare to India?).

And who said they are ill-prepared? The wrestling event is already on. Mr. Kalmadi and Mr. Iyer are already rehearsing for it. Since Mr. Kalmadi is Jack of all trades, I’d probably put my money on him (and even if I don’t, he’d probably take it from me himself).

All said and done, I still believe the Games will be a success (still with a straight face). My family’s hard-earned money is lying in Kalmadi’s Swiss bank vault, but the Games will be great. There is hardly anyone participating (except India and Lesotho of course), but the games will be great. The stadiums are falling apart (come on, don’t they make for a wonderful heritage sight?), but the Games will be great. The traffic is going crazy (no no, it’s a wonderful opportunity to sit for about an hour and review all the swanky car models), but the Games will be great.

No biggie, Mr. Kalmadi and Madam Dixit, after all the efforts you’ve put in, the CWG will be great. Don’t you think?

courtesy google

Wordless Wednesday…


So now they make it legal? 😛 😀