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My Year in People-College Edition


Here I am, nearly at the fag end of the year, looking at the same old things happening in the same old way. Same old mess in my room, and same old dog taking up three quarters of my bed, leaving no space for me to even stretch a little (that is saying a lot, considering I’m incredibly tiny). Some things simply become a part of your life without you even letting you know. Every year, something or the other keeps getting added and subtracted to this very list.

Like every other year, at this time, I have plans to sit back and scrounge around for a celebration, snigger at anyone who plans to drastically ‘turn over a new leaf’ (secretly wishing to do so myself- a massive hypocrisy, yes), and have my moments of deep contemplation and thoughts in the shower, about how my life turned out in this past year. A part of the very same is this post.

I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs this year- a pleasant mix of both really. And a large fragment of the ups are the contribution of some of the most amazing people I have known (or known better, somehow) in college, this year. This is to them, ’cause if it weren’t for them I’d be at psychotherapy right now instead of typing my thoughts away.

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What does a manic, sleep-deprived (borderline insomniac) almost workaholic woman with an inappropriate (sometimes downright offensive) sense of humour need to maintain sanity in life? My best bet? AΒ manic, sleep-deprived (borderline insomniac) almost workaholic man with an inappropriate (sometimes downright offensive) sense of humour, and that’s AS for you.

He may as well be the devil’s advocate, the child who is usually the bearer of the ‘bad influence’ every traditional Indian parent warns their soon-to-be-rebellious teenage kid against. But somewhere deep down, we are so freakishly similar, that it is like meeting the same person in another gender. Of course, a lot bigger and with a less shrill voice.

He’s been my punching bag, my 4am friend (well, literally so), my shopping buddy, and so much more. If its a food craving I have to satiate (and absolutely need to for survival) or submit a set of collated paraphrased internet articles in the name of research under a stipulated time, he has it all covered.

So, AS, if you’re reading this, I’m just so thankful for having you in my life. And though I wouldn’t possibly ever say it in a non-platonic way but, I absolutely love you. Thanks for being there, beside me like a rock, whenever I needed you. Yes, the huge frame has been enough to withstand a lot of troubles from coming my way.
And well you made me sing again, you get so many brownie points for just that. πŸ™‚
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A thing about me now, I have never ever, and I’m not sure if I ever will ever cry in a movie (that’s so many evers and nevers). It’s true. I’m stone-hearted. Almost to the point of depressing myself. But again, not enough to make me cry. Which brings me to SB- my depressing movie straight face motivator- the reason why I can sit through sad movies without making a single inappropriate comment because observing her little ‘vulnerable’ moments and thereafter making jokes about it is just so much more fun. πŸ™‚

So, jokes apart now. I absolutely adore her, and I wish there was a better way to express how much AS and SB mean to me.
There is a fire within her and I see it time and again. When we needed a voice of reason when we work or even when she did a silly TV sketch for me, I saw it at work. I know I have full faith in her, and no matter how nonchalant she tries to be, I know that she cares.

She is steady as a rock, and even if she may be going through an internal turmoil, I know that she is the go-to person for a good-old-funny-as-hell gossip session or a random funny comment on the most unprepared of people (trust me, they all really do need it).

I deeply admire you, SB, and I want you to know that, even though you may get teary at the slightest of things (really soppy Bollywood melodrama included), but there is a strength in you, that I would someday hope to have. And if you get even the slightest bit teary eyed (or even lumpy) reading this, I’m going to punch you in the face. πŸ™‚
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There is always this one thing in life that is a constant reminder of how far you’ve come and how you’ve grown through the biggest years of your life. This for me has been M. My sole remnant of how I lived through a difficult and yet, life changing time in my life. In this year, I have known her even more closely than I did before. And now, I firmly believe that there is always a purpose for someone to become a part of your life.

M has been a mirror on my life. I know that no matter how much we laugh about or make fun of each other, some of my most memorable unplanned enjoyable times have been with her. Be it a random lingerie shopping date, a survival escape from a fatally boring class or even a random 2-person sleepover, she makes it all even better.

M, I’m glad I got to know you so much more this year. You’ve taught me, that sometimes in life, it’s better to strengthen the old bonds, than trade them for new ones. And even if someday, for some reason, one has to start paying for air in their car tyre, you will still be as special to me as you have always been. πŸ™‚
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Now there is someone, who was one of the primary reasons for this post. My year in discovering people, would have DN at the top of the list. Of course everyone knows her as someone without whom our class’s metaphorical building blocks would metaphorically collapse. But then there is so much more than this responsible, caring, mother-figure-like adult (probably the closest to the definition of adult), than what everyone knows.

She knows how to get the party started when at a wedding or anywhere when inebriated. And when inebriated at a wedding, there’s no stopping her. She is two extremes put together, and is probably the closest combination to human perfection that I know of in my generation.

There is so much more I still have to learn from her. Like no matter how much one may be burdened or internally stressed, one has the option to either throw it around and wear it with resentment or, embrace the weight and make a stepping stone out of it. DN is the second kind.

DN, you’ve been a revelation to me this year. And well, you’re simply such a beautiful soul. And no matter where you are and what you do, I want to be a part of the day you finally take a plunge and break your hostel rules and rub it in your warden’s face. πŸ™‚
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My year was eventful and full of so many people that came and stayed to make it worthwhile. AB, for instance, is now my best dance partner and we have so much chemistry, that with enough practice we can totally be small-time reality TV stars. AB, you’re just so much packed in one, I can gladly place my money on you when I say that you will be one of the most successful ones to come out of this whirlwind of a college life that we have. You’re also the prettiest cross-dresser, and as much as you enjoyed doing my show, I still cannot re-iterate enough how grateful I am for you doing it for me. πŸ™‚

One of the nicest and most helpful people I know, DDR. I have come to discover him as someone who would gladly do all in his might if you need him. You’re simply amazing and well, I cannot stress enough on how much I admire the shady badass you can be when you twist your fingers to get stuff done. πŸ™‚

PS and MC, you guys have a very special little place in my heart. This year, you guys have showed me, that it isn’t the physical closeness that makes friendship special and it is the little things that count (well almost literally, because we are after all little people πŸ˜› ).

AP and RS, my troll buddies and my closest bros. My year would be so very uneventful and dull without you.
AAD, NA, and KM, you guys made our first few work project so much more fun. Thanks for keeping me sane and well, stripping me off of all sanity at other times. πŸ˜›
ARS and MT, straight off, you guys made me model. The one thing I could possibly never imagine myself doing. Ever. πŸ˜›
NS, you’re like my ally, and one of the most fun people I have ever had a work-night–cum–bitching session with. πŸ˜›
US, that insanity ridden Jaipur trip would’ve definitely been incomplete without you (that stuffed dog toy too? πŸ˜› ). πŸ™‚
RA, AV and SK… I can probably not complete a sentence without mentioning the three of you together in one breath and I loved that I discovered more about you guys this year.

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So this is to all of you and everyone who made my year in college worthwhile. I probably won’t be welcoming the new year with either of you, but you are special enough for me to be a part of my year-end introspection. My year was a metaphoric roller-coaster ride and I know that if it weren’t for all of you, I would’ve metaphorically thrown up and would’ve been left dizzy at the end.

Thank you all for being a part of my year and my life, and I wish you the best for years to come. πŸ™‚

Love,
AK πŸ™‚

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15 Things You don’t Want to Hear During a Surgery


1. Oops! 😳

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2. I think it’s stuck! 😯

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3. Oh come on.. It’s not so bad. 4 out of ten people come out alive. πŸ˜‰

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4. Which one do I cut first, the maroon-ish one or that beige one? ❓

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5. What’s that moving over there? πŸ™„

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6. I wonder what β€˜that’ does. 😐

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7. I think we forgot something in there. 😳

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8. Sir, which one would fetch a better price? πŸ˜•

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9. Hurry up.. I’ve got to go watch the match. 😑

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10. His pulse is still on? Wow.. I’m good. :mrgreen:

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11. Students, give the subject some air. 😎

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12. Scissors.. Check.. Scalpel.. Check.. Syringe.. Check.. Tweezers.. Check.. Spectacles.. Oops.. 😳

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13. Damn.. That thing in my medical book was a mis-print.. 😯

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14. Ewww.. Blood!! πŸ˜•

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And last but definitely not the least:

15. Hmm.. Let’s try something new today! :mrgreen: πŸ˜†

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None of These in 2011, Please


So here goes, a list of some of the things I don’t want to see in the next year:

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~Reality shows– Oh for God’s sake I DO NOT care about thirty people screaming about, and sleeping around, locked in a house. I DO NOT want to see women who forgot where there lips are and put lip-gloss all over their body to grab male-attention. I DO NOT care if you think your spouse is hitting on every other human species except you and you want to test their loyalty. Please STOP it, it’s getting a bit too much now.

~Scams- There was IPL, then there was CWG, then 2G, then Adarsh, then the tapes and so on. This year we had more scams than the number of slums in our country. I don’t know which one’s worse, but at least the slums have given shelter to many.

~More soap operas– We’ve already had enough with the minors getting married, the blind girl getting married, the crippled girl getting married, the unwanted daughter, the retarded son, the eternal weeping separated couple, the 1000 year old great great grandmother, and so on. Adding to that would just make us want to wish there were dinosaurs on this planet again.

~The Twilight series- The love story of a sad mannequinΒ and a creepy albino log of wood has been stretched to a point where it’s about to snap, and after gagging several times I’m on the verge of throwing up all my intestine’s contents.

~Power cuts- Just a wee bit more efficient power supply would do. Candle-light dinners are not as fun when there’s no electricity, you know.

~Random statuses on Facebook- I’m really not interested in the fact that you’re ‘sleeping’, ‘bored’, ‘disgusted’, ‘frustrated’, ‘sooooo happy’, angry, pooping, breathing, walking, talking, running late, having ice cream and so on… Please let those thoughts be where it belongs- in your head.

~Commercial service messages- No. I DO NOT want a house in NCR, I DO NOT want a vibrating belt tummy trimmer, I DO NOT want wallpapers of ‘hot babes’, I DO NOT want a 2% discount on a beauty treatment, I DO NOT want special massage body oil, and I certainly DO NOT want to ‘make new friends’ and chat with them. Dear Mr. service provider, please stop cluttering my inbox.

~SMS language– ‘ASAP’, ‘ATM’, ‘SMS’ is still tolerable. But does it really hurt your fingers that much to write ‘OK’ instead of ‘K’ and how on earth does ‘pikcha’ sound cooler than ‘picture’? Writing ‘ma’ instead of ‘my’ does not make you cool, Mr. Wannabe, and neither does your laziness in typing even one extraΒ character do.

~Β Over-hyped films, flop films, and over-hyped flop films– There was ‘Kites’, ‘Khelein hum jee jaan se’, ‘Hisss’, ‘I hate luv storryys’, ‘Aisha’, ‘Guzarish’, ‘Ravan’, ‘Anjaana Anjaani’ and just so many of those films which left me spellbound at the amount of torture these films inflicted on the audience. Dear directors, even the audience has developed a brain, it’s high time you do so too.

~Bitchiness on Koffee with Karan- So we did get those cheap thrills when we saw Sonam Kapoor bad mouthing Shobha De and the entire film industry’s dress-sense, and when Kareena Kapoor commented on Priyanka Chopra’s accent. But seriously, we do not care who hates whom and why any more.

~Inflation- With prices like these, at this rate, some day it would be cheaper to eat roti with gold rather than onions and garlic. Dear Government, you have to think of better ways of curbing over-population than killing people of starvation.

~Theories about the end of the world- Oh come on, the world will end when it has to. We can barely predict the next day’s weather accurately, let alone disasters big enough to end the world. So stop anticipating the fact and killing yourself everyday for it.

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And with that, I hope the next year proves to be better than this one, and this year leaves most of the above things behind and doesn’t take it with it into the next year. πŸ™‚

The Quirky List! :P


This post has been inspired by a post on my dear Poornima di’s blog.. πŸ™‚ Which was inspired by a few other blogs. πŸ™‚

Here’s what I’ve got to do. I’m supposed to write eight weird, quirky or eccentric things that I do or about myself. So here goes:

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1. I NEVER write SMSs or for that matter any write up of any kind in short forms. Even my ‘you’ is a ‘you’ not ‘u’. I even write ASAP as ‘as soon as possible’ and my SMSs are even properly punctuated. My friends always called my SMSs and e-mails ‘letters’. πŸ˜› (The only short-forms I can tolerate to use are SMS itself and ATM)

2. I HAVE to have my clip and kajal on me at ALL times. 😯

3. I NEVER leave home without applying sunblock, no matter how sunny or cloudy it is, and even if it’s almost about to get dark. 😐

4. I remember the most random things about people and scandalise them years later with ‘too much information’. I do have a freakishly good long-term memory (but mostly for highly trivial random things). 😈 An example of that would be, when I met my dad’sΒ colleagueΒ after nearly eight years, I recalled a day to him in which I had witnessed all his excess-alcohol antics. 😈

5. I always proofread something that I’ve written, even if it’s a note which I want to pass in class. πŸ˜›

6. I love giving funny, ‘quirky’ and kind of meaningful gifts to people, instead of boring ones. πŸ™‚ I once gave my friend a fortune cookie, which said “I’m ‘fortunate’ to have you as a friend” πŸ™‚ and once I gave my ‘significant other’ a packet of peanuts on which I had written, “I’m ‘nuts’ about you’. πŸ˜›

7. I suspect having an ultra-sensitive nasal with which I can smell things from several meters away. And nine out of ten times I can recognise the smell perfectly. πŸ˜‰ I once smelt vanilla essence from neighbour’s house, even before she had started baking. 😐

8. When I get something new, be it a chocolate, screwdriver, electronic item, show-piece, etcetera… I ALWAYS read it’s entire wrapper/manual. :mrgreen:

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And… that’s all. How much more quirky do you want me to be? πŸ˜›

12 Best Ways to Repel a Phone-Stalker


1. Start talking to him as if you were 5 people in the same body. πŸ˜›

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2. Start selling him your fridge, computer or TV. :mrgreen:

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3. Tell him that you’ll only talk to him if he promises to marry you or else you’ll kill yourself. 😈

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4. Say you got a sex-change, and he’s the perfect man for you. πŸ˜‰

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5. Say, aah finally I found someone suited for my brother. :mrgreen:

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6. Say, “I’m not interested as yet, but would you be interested in home loans, car loans or opening an account at XYZ bank?” 😐

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7. Say, “dude! you suck at stalking. I’ll teach you how it’s done.” And then keep calling around 50 times a day without letting him pick up. 😈

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8. Say, “can you just hold for a sec? My secret assassin is on the other line. Please don’t tell anyone about him, he just got out of jail.” :mrgreen:

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9. Start telling him how you’re planning to kill a famous politician and what suggestions does he have. 😈

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10. Start explaining to him the philosophies of life and afterlife. πŸ˜›

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11. Tell him you’re a secret agent from the ISI, and if he can help you get Kasab out of prison. :mrgreen:

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12. Say you’re neck-deep in debt and if he can loan you a crore or so. πŸ˜†

These are a Few of my Favourite Things…


Remember the song from ‘Sound of Music‘, ‘My favourite things‘?

Well sometimes you just need your version of that song when you’re feeling sad.

Here’s my version: πŸ˜‰

(you can hum it to the tune for better effects πŸ˜‰ )

πŸ™‚ Raindrops on my face, and all books well-written

Bright coloured stuff toys, and chocolates from Britain

Phone’s flashing messages, all shades of pink

These are a few of my favourite things… πŸ™‚

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πŸ™‚ Dreams in the daytime, and dogs unlike poodles

Sea shells and hair gels, and pen-pencil doodles

White diamond, white gold, jewellery and bling

These are a few of my favourite things… πŸ™‚

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πŸ™‚ Shops with hot dresses, and prices with slashes

Hot shoes and high heels, bank balance with cashes

Phone conversations, and all clear skin

These are a few of my favourite things… πŸ™‚

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When I need rights

When my scores stink

When I’m feeling sad

I simply remember my favourite things,

πŸ™‚ And then I don’t feel so bad. πŸ™‚

 

My favourite things...

You can try making your version too, just making it is so much fun, it’s half the job done. πŸ˜€

Happy Birthday, Mom! :)


To: My Mom,

My mentor, my guide and my pillar of strength. My best friend and my closest ally. The woman I’ll always look up to (also because you’re taller than me) πŸ˜›

Since it’s your birthday today, I’m listing some of the reasons you’re the most special person I know. So here goes:

~The fact that you’re undoubtedly the most amazing cook the world will know. πŸ˜€

~The way you look oh-so-gorgeous in a sari or even if you wear track-pants or a dress. πŸ™‚

~The times when you pretend to get angry and it all goes wrong and ends up in laughter. πŸ˜›

~The way you always know exactly how to handle any given situation. πŸ™‚

~The way you stand up for yourself and refuse to take any crap from anyone. 8)

~The way I’m driven to blush like a tomato when you tease me about certain people. 😳

~The way you understand me and can read my face like an open book. πŸ™„

~The fact that you’re the most fun person to shop with. πŸ˜†

~The times when you grudgingly listen to my random ramblings even when it’s 2:00am, and I’ve woken you up from deep sleep. :mrgreen:

~The fact that you have an eye for the most amazing goodies which I’m sure to love. πŸ˜‰

~The fact that I can share EVERYTHING with you from date stories, to a glass of wine. πŸ˜‰

~The way you treat even a small problem with equal importance. πŸ™‚

~The way you’ve always supported all my academic decisions. πŸ™‚

~The way you treat everyone equally, no matter where they come from. πŸ™‚

~The way you ALWAYS take my side. :mrgreen:

~The way you don’t pretend to like someone. 8)

~The way you can almost always save me from angry dad/aunt. πŸ˜›

~The way you’ve never deprived me of anything from the imported baby food to the close to hundred pairs of shoes. I named it and you got it for me. πŸ™‚

~The fact that you’re the coolest and the most perfect mom there ever will be on this planet. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

~These and those uncountable things about you that I simply adore and which make you so special. πŸ™‚

Thank you for everything mamma. πŸ™‚

And wish you a very very very happy birthday. πŸ™‚

Happy Birthday, Mom! πŸ™‚