My friend called me up, in the middle of the night, crying. She had just gotten into a fight with another friend’s ex-boyfriend. She said, “I’ve never felt so insulted in my life!” I was taken aback when she said that, when she continued, “He said I was a whore, and a bitch who did stuff with all the dogs on the street!”
Normally one would’ve had excessive violent reactions to that. But somehow, I was kind of indifferent to it. I know it may have meant to be extremely offensive, but it just didn’t have that effect on me. Some may say, it wasn’t said to me, hence it didn’t affect me so much. But to clarify their doubts, even if these or any greater degree of abusive insults were to be used on me, I would get a tad angry (depending on what degree I place the abuse), but it wouldn’t really ‘offend’ me as such. And let me tell you why.
It doesn’t affect me. I personally know that I could never be what they claim me to be and anybody saying that, doesn’t change the fact that I’m not.
First off, remember when our parents used to tell us, ‘if XYZ calls you a donkey you don’t become one, and you certainly were never one in the first place.’? So why did she get so offended? If she could’ve just kept shut, and instead of reacting or retorting, if she could’ve just stopped and thought for two seconds, ‘if this bloke says I’m a whore, I don’t become one and I certainly never was one.’
I tried to avoid it, but here I go with the crude language. Basically, take two people for instance, let’s call them ‘M’ and ‘N’. So, M and N get into a fight, and M calls N, a mother f***er, followed by N calling M a b**t*rd and so on. It leads to a fist fight, the cops come and so on and so forth.
If N could’ve just told M on his face, ‘none of what you say is going to lessen the sanctity of my relationship with my mother’ or if M could’ve just told N, ‘none of what you say can ever change the fact that my parents did in fact get married before having me’, it would’ve saved them a lot of trouble.
It isn’t the truth. The truth hurts, abuses shouldn’t.
Now, like I said, of course an abuse, supposedly offensive, can’t change anything about you or does not state any fact about you. And if one may ask why, it’s simply because it isn’t the truth. In terms of what hurts more, the truth definitely hurts far more than anything in this world. And, if this isn’t the truth, and merely a ‘false claim’ on your personality, dignity or upbringing than you should have the ability to laugh at the supposed ‘offender’ and at his limited vocabulary and and lack of knowledge or information about you.
Saying nothing in return, has a far greater impact than counter-abusing. It agitates them much more.
What annoys someone who’s abusing you most is when you say nothing back to them, and no I don’t mean keep quiet with a long face, just waiting to burst into tears. I mean, standing in front of them, and keeping quiet, without gesturing any signs of getting offended, and somewhat laughing at them and the situation. You could take that as miniature victory. In a situation like this nothing frustrates more than someone not getting insulted by insults.
No point stooping down to their level.
And whatever said and done, I definitely wouldn’t want to stoop down to the level of someone immature enough to use borrowed phrases to offend me. It really isn’t about tolerance or anything. If you really want to retaliate to someone who just abused you, all you need to say is, something like, ‘Oh come on, you can do better than that, very limited vocabulary, must say, you really need to broaden your literary horizon!’ And it’ll work like magic. 😉