For the many thoughts that come and go unannounced and the ones which refuse to budge out of my head…

My friend called me up, in the middle of the night, crying. She had just gotten into a fight with another friend’s ex-boyfriend. She said, “I’ve never felt so insulted in my life!” I was taken aback when she said that, when she continued, “He said I was a whore, and a bitch who did stuff with all the dogs on the street!”

Normally one would’ve had excessive violent reactions to that. But somehow, I was kind of indifferent to it. I know it may have meant to be extremely offensive, but it just didn’t have that effect on me. Some may say, it wasn’t said to me, hence it didn’t affect me so much. But to clarify their doubts, even if these or any greater degree of abusive insults were to be used on me, I would get a tad angry (depending on what degree I place the abuse), but it wouldn’t really ‘offend’ me as such. And let me tell you why.

It doesn’t affect me. I personally know that I could never be what they claim me to be and anybody saying that, doesn’t change the fact that I’m not.

First off, remember when our parents used to tell us, ‘if XYZ calls you a donkey you don’t become one, and you certainly were never one in the first place.’? So why did she get so offended? If she could’ve just kept shut, and instead of reacting or retorting, if she could’ve just stopped and thought for two seconds, ‘if this bloke says I’m a whore, I don’t become one and I certainly never was one.’

I tried to avoid it, but here I go with the crude language. Basically, take two people for instance, let’s call them ‘M’ and ‘N’. So, M and N get into a fight, and M calls N, a mother f***er, followed by N calling M a b**t*rd and so on. It leads to a fist fight, the cops come and so on and so forth.

If N could’ve just told M on his face, ‘none of what you say is going to lessen the sanctity of my relationship with my mother’ or if M could’ve just told N, ‘none of what you say can ever change the fact that my parents did in fact get married before having me’, it would’ve saved them a lot of trouble.

It isn’t the truth. The truth hurts, abuses shouldn’t.

Now, like I said, of course an abuse, supposedly offensive, can’t change anything about you or does not state any fact about you. And if one may ask why, it’s simply because it isn’t the truth. In terms of what hurts more, the truth definitely hurts far more than anything in this world. And, if this isn’t the truth, and merely a ‘false claim’ on your personality, dignity or upbringing than you should have the ability to laugh at the supposed ‘offender’ and at his limited vocabulary and and lack of knowledge or information about you.

Saying nothing in return, has a far greater impact than counter-abusing. It agitates them much more.

What annoys someone who’s abusing you most is when you say nothing back to them, and no I don’t mean keep quiet with a long face, just waiting to burst into tears. I mean, standing in front of them, and keeping quiet, without gesturing any signs of getting offended, and somewhat laughing at them and the situation. You could take that as miniature victory. In a situation like this nothing frustrates more than someone not getting insulted by insults.

No point stooping down to their level.

And whatever said and done, I definitely wouldn’t want to stoop down to the level of someone immature enough to use borrowed phrases to offend me. It really isn’t about tolerance or anything. If you really want to retaliate to someone who just abused you, all you need to say is, something like, ‘Oh come on, you can do better than that, very limited vocabulary, must say, you really need to broaden your literary horizon!’ And it’ll work like magic. 😉


Comments on: "Abuses Don’t Need to Hurt you" (21)

  1. 🙂

  2. I am an extremley non-abusive person – like i do not remember the last time when i abused someone. That said, I know how to make my point very clear even without abusing! I totally agree with what you said about annoying the abuser by not saying anything back – that works like magic.

    Good food for thought!

    • I’m glad you agree with me, Poornima Di. 🙂
      I truly believe that abuses are just a sign of limited vocabulary. 😐
      There are numerous other ways to get the point across that’ll have a much greater impact.
      Hugs.. 🙂

    • I talked to the guy personally. 😈
      So I guess she’s fine now… 😛
      Cheers.. 🙂

      • Ooooh… 50 bucks says you were about to about to “unleash the can of whoop ass” but decided to listen to his blah blah. I had breakups but never resorted to abusing. That’s just childish.

        I agree- no point in stooping down to their level. As someone from IIM once said “You can’t make horse out of donkeys!!”.

        • Glad you think that way. 🙂
          I didn’t listen to him. I just ‘unleashed the can of whoop ass’ in my own way.. 😈
          One of my victorious moments are stated in the last lines of the post..
          Someday I might blog about the entire, ‘beautiful’ conversation. 😛
          And I completely agree with that line..
          Cheers.. 🙂

  3. Hi,
    this is jayendra, reading your blog first time. caught you from indiblogger. i liked your post very much, because i feel the same way. i do not utter an abuse myself, and i think people should not. but they do and nobody can help. so as you said, we should not care about what people say about you, when you know that you are right.

    • Thanks so much Jayendra. 🙂
      I’m so glad you liked the post.
      I’m a 100% non-abusive person. I don’t even like writing them, hence the (*) asterisks.
      I do believe there are far more ways of taking someone’s case than just abusing, and which have a far greater effect.
      The last line in this post, trust me, I’ve tried it. And it worked so well, the guy was nearly in tears.
      From that, I’ve always thought that resorting to abuses is a sign of weakness. And hence the strong dislike for them and there use.
      Cheers. 🙂

  4. Exactly my way 🙂 Ignoring or laughing does wonders!

  5. Good to know you are pretty matured. Yes, it gets annoying when someone tells you about what others are saying about him/her. You just have to ignore them, your life has much more interesting stuff than hearing what others have to say about you.

    One should always remember that at any given moment if there are ‘n’ number of people talking rubbish about you, there will be a tleast ‘n+1’ people who will deny that rubbish.

    • Thanks, Abhinav.. 🙂
      I couldn’t have put it better.. 🙂
      I feel it’s futile.. and moreover really petty to get worked up on things like these..
      Cheers.. 🙂

  6. That was a nice post making the point very clear. You write very well too, I mean the way you are able to express your thoughts. Will come more often 😉

  7. couldn’t agree more….i guess its just about mentality…my life changing moment was…when i came home after a pretty bad fight in college…and my dad said….if you think you’re brave enough…why don;t you join army….atleast people would know you….after that day i really don;t bother what people are saying about me…i just repeat the same to them….
    and yeah abusing !!!…its just for screw heads and cowards….
    nice write anyways….i guess your friend is ok now….

    • Thanks, natwar. 🙂
      My friend is fine now.. but it took long to make her understand..
      It’s best to just ignore and walk past.. works like magic.. 🙂

  8. Saying nothing in return, has a far greater impact than counter-abusing. It agitates them much more.

    liked this. Quite mature analysis.

    • Thanks so much… 🙂
      I truly believe in that and I guess that’s worked wonders for me…
      Thanks once again.. 🙂

  9. New to your Blog! But loved this post! 🙂

    “Respond not react is the mantra here”.

    Keep up the good work 🙂

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