For the many thoughts that come and go unannounced and the ones which refuse to budge out of my head…

Posts tagged ‘college’

My Year in People-College Edition


Here I am, nearly at the fag end of the year, looking at the same old things happening in the same old way. Same old mess in my room, and same old dog taking up three quarters of my bed, leaving no space for me to even stretch a little (that is saying a lot, considering I’m incredibly tiny). Some things simply become a part of your life without you even letting you know. Every year, something or the other keeps getting added and subtracted to this very list.

Like every other year, at this time, I have plans to sit back and scrounge around for a celebration, snigger at anyone who plans to drastically ‘turn over a new leaf’ (secretly wishing to do so myself- a massive hypocrisy, yes), and have my moments of deep contemplation and thoughts in the shower, about how my life turned out in this past year. A part of the very same is this post.

I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs this year- a pleasant mix of both really. And a large fragment of the ups are the contribution of some of the most amazing people I have known (or known better, somehow) in college, this year. This is to them, ’cause if it weren’t for them I’d be at psychotherapy right now instead of typing my thoughts away.

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What does a manic, sleep-deprived (borderline insomniac) almost workaholic woman with an inappropriate (sometimes downright offensive) sense of humour need to maintain sanity in life? My best bet? A manic, sleep-deprived (borderline insomniac) almost workaholic man with an inappropriate (sometimes downright offensive) sense of humour, and that’s AS for you.

He may as well be the devil’s advocate, the child who is usually the bearer of the ‘bad influence’ every traditional Indian parent warns their soon-to-be-rebellious teenage kid against. But somewhere deep down, we are so freakishly similar, that it is like meeting the same person in another gender. Of course, a lot bigger and with a less shrill voice.

He’s been my punching bag, my 4am friend (well, literally so), my shopping buddy, and so much more. If its a food craving I have to satiate (and absolutely need to for survival) or submit a set of collated paraphrased internet articles in the name of research under a stipulated time, he has it all covered.

So, AS, if you’re reading this, I’m just so thankful for having you in my life. And though I wouldn’t possibly ever say it in a non-platonic way but, I absolutely love you. Thanks for being there, beside me like a rock, whenever I needed you. Yes, the huge frame has been enough to withstand a lot of troubles from coming my way.
And well you made me sing again, you get so many brownie points for just that. 🙂
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A thing about me now, I have never ever, and I’m not sure if I ever will ever cry in a movie (that’s so many evers and nevers). It’s true. I’m stone-hearted. Almost to the point of depressing myself. But again, not enough to make me cry. Which brings me to SB- my depressing movie straight face motivator- the reason why I can sit through sad movies without making a single inappropriate comment because observing her little ‘vulnerable’ moments and thereafter making jokes about it is just so much more fun. 🙂

So, jokes apart now. I absolutely adore her, and I wish there was a better way to express how much AS and SB mean to me.
There is a fire within her and I see it time and again. When we needed a voice of reason when we work or even when she did a silly TV sketch for me, I saw it at work. I know I have full faith in her, and no matter how nonchalant she tries to be, I know that she cares.

She is steady as a rock, and even if she may be going through an internal turmoil, I know that she is the go-to person for a good-old-funny-as-hell gossip session or a random funny comment on the most unprepared of people (trust me, they all really do need it).

I deeply admire you, SB, and I want you to know that, even though you may get teary at the slightest of things (really soppy Bollywood melodrama included), but there is a strength in you, that I would someday hope to have. And if you get even the slightest bit teary eyed (or even lumpy) reading this, I’m going to punch you in the face. 🙂
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There is always this one thing in life that is a constant reminder of how far you’ve come and how you’ve grown through the biggest years of your life. This for me has been M. My sole remnant of how I lived through a difficult and yet, life changing time in my life. In this year, I have known her even more closely than I did before. And now, I firmly believe that there is always a purpose for someone to become a part of your life.

M has been a mirror on my life. I know that no matter how much we laugh about or make fun of each other, some of my most memorable unplanned enjoyable times have been with her. Be it a random lingerie shopping date, a survival escape from a fatally boring class or even a random 2-person sleepover, she makes it all even better.

M, I’m glad I got to know you so much more this year. You’ve taught me, that sometimes in life, it’s better to strengthen the old bonds, than trade them for new ones. And even if someday, for some reason, one has to start paying for air in their car tyre, you will still be as special to me as you have always been. 🙂
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Now there is someone, who was one of the primary reasons for this post. My year in discovering people, would have DN at the top of the list. Of course everyone knows her as someone without whom our class’s metaphorical building blocks would metaphorically collapse. But then there is so much more than this responsible, caring, mother-figure-like adult (probably the closest to the definition of adult), than what everyone knows.

She knows how to get the party started when at a wedding or anywhere when inebriated. And when inebriated at a wedding, there’s no stopping her. She is two extremes put together, and is probably the closest combination to human perfection that I know of in my generation.

There is so much more I still have to learn from her. Like no matter how much one may be burdened or internally stressed, one has the option to either throw it around and wear it with resentment or, embrace the weight and make a stepping stone out of it. DN is the second kind.

DN, you’ve been a revelation to me this year. And well, you’re simply such a beautiful soul. And no matter where you are and what you do, I want to be a part of the day you finally take a plunge and break your hostel rules and rub it in your warden’s face. 🙂
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My year was eventful and full of so many people that came and stayed to make it worthwhile. AB, for instance, is now my best dance partner and we have so much chemistry, that with enough practice we can totally be small-time reality TV stars. AB, you’re just so much packed in one, I can gladly place my money on you when I say that you will be one of the most successful ones to come out of this whirlwind of a college life that we have. You’re also the prettiest cross-dresser, and as much as you enjoyed doing my show, I still cannot re-iterate enough how grateful I am for you doing it for me. 🙂

One of the nicest and most helpful people I know, DDR. I have come to discover him as someone who would gladly do all in his might if you need him. You’re simply amazing and well, I cannot stress enough on how much I admire the shady badass you can be when you twist your fingers to get stuff done. 🙂

PS and MC, you guys have a very special little place in my heart. This year, you guys have showed me, that it isn’t the physical closeness that makes friendship special and it is the little things that count (well almost literally, because we are after all little people 😛 ).

AP and RS, my troll buddies and my closest bros. My year would be so very uneventful and dull without you.
AAD, NA, and KM, you guys made our first few work project so much more fun. Thanks for keeping me sane and well, stripping me off of all sanity at other times. 😛
ARS and MT, straight off, you guys made me model. The one thing I could possibly never imagine myself doing. Ever. 😛
NS, you’re like my ally, and one of the most fun people I have ever had a work-night–cum–bitching session with. 😛
US, that insanity ridden Jaipur trip would’ve definitely been incomplete without you (that stuffed dog toy too? 😛 ). 🙂
RA, AV and SK… I can probably not complete a sentence without mentioning the three of you together in one breath and I loved that I discovered more about you guys this year.

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So this is to all of you and everyone who made my year in college worthwhile. I probably won’t be welcoming the new year with either of you, but you are special enough for me to be a part of my year-end introspection. My year was a metaphoric roller-coaster ride and I know that if it weren’t for all of you, I would’ve metaphorically thrown up and would’ve been left dizzy at the end.

Thank you all for being a part of my year and my life, and I wish you the best for years to come. 🙂

Love,
AK 🙂

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Thank you, T.J.


Dear TJ,

Nature works in mysterious ways, and I have reason to believe it does. I write to you every year, hoping I get a response from you. It’s been three years since you’ve been gone, but I know you’ve always been right here beside me. It may sound a wee bit insane, but deep down, I just know it’s you, standing by me through all my laughter, tears, sickness and health. I always crave for a response, and somehow, in one magical way or another I seem to get it from you.

Words seem to fail me when it comes to describing how much I miss you. I hope you know how hard it’s been for me without you. Without that first morning hug and bright smile and sometimes the tough love and lectures about how I need to get my act together. I hope you know that the void you left behind was not an easy one to fill.

A part of my life went with you the day you left us. And for sometime, I was left stunned and in disbelief, bitter and craving for that part of my life to come back to me. But life has a pace and life is the name of that unforgiving thing that gives you the time to heal, but doesn’t give you the space to show it. It is unexpected and sometimes takes turns when you’re least prepared. But it does lend you a hand when others aren’t looking, trying to make up for the pain it caused.

These three years, I have been healing, but I still have been seeking, what you seemed to have taken with you. There is a part of me that wants to let go, a part of me that wants to believe that everything happens for a reason, but no reason seems good enough when it comes to you.

But then again, there come these times in life when you believe life is working some bits of magic to give you a sliver of hope. I know you have your mysterious ways TJ, and I somehow manage to find you in even the littlest of things. You have changed my life in so many ways, and it’s amazing how you still seem to do so.

From our college pet, a little puppy whom we figuratively raised and named; a cat I brought home, hoping to raise alongside my dog; the different and sometimes crazy combinations of colours I wear; the pages in my notebook filled with random doodles; the insanity and ecstasy I feel whenever it rains; all the times I’ve been fearless to speak my mind; spicy chaat and chai-samosa sessions, and so many more of those little things in life are places I find you in. Things you imbibed in me. In every good thing I do, or positive thing I say, I feel like you are present. A part of you that lives in me and is guiding me to do those things. Do good, do the best, do right.

I know you’re out there somewhere, and I need you to know that you mean the world to me. Even if you aren’t reading this, I know that somehow, my thoughts are reaching you. TJ, you are the most special person in my life and I hope you know what you mean to me. I am the person that I am today all because of you. You have given me the strength, courage and passion to go through life with the simplicity, ease and innocence which were synonymous to you.

I would’ve loved for us to grow old together and do all those things we planned to, from being together in school and college all the way to being business partners and flatmates. I know life would have been different had you still been here, but I know deep down that you’re always right here by my side, making me go through life effortlessly and with the same passion, insanity and innocence that you did.

Tejaswee Rao, thank you for being in my life and making me what I am today. All the hurdles I crossed, the tears I fought, the fights I avoided and the hope I refused to give up, I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you for being there for me and for still continuing to do so. You’ve been my mentor, sister and pillar of strength. One may think it’s cosmic coincidence, but I know it’s all you.

I hope someday I get to see you again. I wouldn’t want to wait another lifetime just to be with you, but I know you would make it worth the wait.

Love you now, forever and for always,

yours,

‘Roo

Look Who’s Visiting :)


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Pictures taken by me in my college garden. 🙂

Of an Unforgettable Friend, Precious Memories, and a Phone


Was  it all just a bad dream? Did my perfect life with all my friends and loved ones just take a drastic turn? I sat on the last desk of my college classroom, feeling numb. My hands trembling with what I just saw. My face fell, and for a while I couldn’t feel any emotion. AN saw the expression on my face and rushed towards me to grab my phone from my hand. It had a message from our teacher on the screen which said,

“I’m really sorry, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Tejaswee is no more.”

My best friend, Tejaswee, someone I had known for 11 years, was never going to come back. I couldn’t emote for a while when finally AN hugged me and we burst out crying. As we rushed to the hospital, my mom called me several times on my phone, but I had no energy left in me to even pick up the phone. Moreover, I hated the sight of that thing from then on for the bad news it brought to me. I wanted my mom, but I couldn’t bare to see my phone again.

AN picked up the phone and held it on my ear. While I couldn’t say a single word, all I did was listen, and my tears were the only thing that came out. AN held me as tight as she could and with numb faces we walked towards the hospital ward.

I hated my phone that day. I didn’t look at it for the next few days either. I couldn’t even reply to any of the messages which my friends sent as condolence. Usually it was her who called me most often, but just the thought of her name which would never flash on my screen again, made me sad and angry.

It took me a few days to gather myself. Everyday I wished for it to be a nightmare and get over with. But who knew, sometimes reality is worse than a nightmare.

I frequently went to her house, looking at her room, lying on her bed, pretending to talk to her, looking through her stuff.

One of those times I had gone to her house, and was looking through her stuff, I spotted her phone. Somehow I mustered up the courage to plug it into the charger and switch it on. I was scared to do so at first. I didn’t want to go through heartache. But there was a part of me that urged me to look into it.

I switched on the phone, and the first thing I saw was her wallpaper, which was a picture of both our hands which we had once taken in our college lawn. It reminded me of that day when the four of us, Tejaswee, AN, V and me, were together in that lawn and were making jokes and having fun, rolling over the grass like maniacs, not caring about the wide spectator-ship we had gathered. I smiled thinking about that day, it was one of those days in which we had a free class and had planned to explore the entire college for hideouts.

I looked further, and saw the call log. My number was the last received call on her phone. Life does take unexpected turns. Who knew that this would be the last time I would ever talk to her? In an instant, the last conversation we had began to play in my mind. It went something like this.

Me, “Stop being madam attention seeker, sweety, you’re scaring the hell out of all of us. Jokes apart, how do you feel now? Is there any improvement”

Tejaswee, “Don’t you worry I’ll be fine, just that my organs have enlarged and it hurts. But that’s okay, it’s just that I hate it so much, because I look so fat! ugh!”

Me, “Oh shut up. Silly girl. You better get okay soon. We have to finish making those crazy documentaries, and plan out our birthday we’re going to celebrate together.”

Tejaswee, “Arre don’t you worry, since I have nothing else to do I’m actually thinking about the guest-list and theme for our party. And don’t worry, the party’s going to be the best party ever.”

Me, “That it will. And the documentary has to be made with your magic hands.”

Tejaswee, “Achha listen, I’ve got to go now, time for some silly test again. Just remember to put a mosquito repellent cream whenever you go out, and please reduce your caffeine intake, it’s not good for you, sweety”

Me, “Dumbo, I will do that, don’t worry. But not before you’re back okay. Deal?”

Tejaswee, “We’ll see, I have to go now. Take care of yourself.”

Me, “Look who’s talking. You better get well soon okay. I love you sweety”

Tejaswee, “Muah! I will always love you, Roo” (‘Roo’ is a name only she called me)

Those last words kept playing in my mind, like a broken record. I wished I had recorded this conversation when it happened. But it was in a place far greater than that. It was engraved in my heart. In an instant as I thought about it, I broke into tears, thinking about our birthday we were supposed to celebrate together, and the fact that it would never ever happen now.

I kept staring at that call log and cried at the sight of our hands.

I shut the phone flap and tried to gather myself again. As I wiped my tears I opened the phone again. I opened the messages this time, and clicked the sent items folder. I only wanted to see the messages she had sent to me. I scrolled down further into the folder, ignoring many which were in fact sent to me, when finally I stopped at one particular message.

“Roo.. I’m taking revenge for all those times you nearly brought me into tears with those ultra lame and pathetically sad PJs of yours. 😛 (read the next message).”

And the second was this:

“Killer PJ……….

.

.

.

.

.

.

…….PJ arrested! :P”

The smile reappeared on my face, thinking about all those times I made PJs and she grudgingly tried to suppress her laughter but it ultimately led to all of us laughing in unison.

I still miss those times. And I still wish I could bring back those days. But I had to resign to the fact that those times would never come back. True, those days will never come back, but those memories will always be alive through her phone.

I realised how important my phone was, my faithful friend who saw me through my best and worst times. I opened the inbox in my own phone, and found that very same message. And all I felt thereafter, was that I would never let go of those memories which were inadvertently connected to my phone and hers.

This was the picture which was the wallpaper on her phone and now mine

College Myths Busted


A lot of us have seen those numerous films and television shows which give the rosiest picture about college life. But for all those who believe, that life is all fun and games once you come into college, sorry to burst your bubble, and let me tell you that it’s not.Thanks to all the crap I grew up watching, half my school life I thought that when I go to college, whenever I fight with my best friend, it’ll be the talk of town; someday there’ll be a gang war just for me; or at least that there’ll be a coordinated dance sequence and song for every changing emotion of mine. Sadly, none of this ever happened.

Here are some of the popular myths about college and the reality:

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Myth 1: College life is all song and dance. There is a NO studying to do and nothing to worry about.

Busted: There is a LOT to worry about; exams, attendance, results, assignments, attendance, schedules, classes, ATTENDANCE.. etc..

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Myth 2: Bunking classes never results in consequences

Busted: If you keep bunking classes and get carried away, you CAN be thrown out!

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Myth 3: If you keep failing in college you’re a stud.

Busted: If you keep failing in college you WILL be thrown out!

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Myth 4: There are hoards of guys standing outside girls’ colleges to ‘bird-watch’.

Busted: Whoever stated this nonsense, can you please tell me where all these guys are? I myself am dying to see this happen.

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Myth 5: College fests are in fact extended parties and excuses to flirt around. (and a song follows)

Busted: They are NOT.

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Myth 6: People come to college ONLY to find a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Busted: Then what are dating sites for???

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Myth 7: All teachers (especially the principal) are maniacs. Plus at the most there are just about two teachers- a good one (read: hot one) and a bad one (read: old one).

Busted: Teachers in fact are sometimes more sane than students. And there are more than 100 teachers in even the smallest colleges.

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Myth 8: Gang wars!

Busted: Hell no!

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Myth 9: The hot Chemistry teacher.

Busted: Chemistry is not even an isolated subject in college!

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Myth 10: People spend hours to decide what to wear and to dress up before college, and end up looking like a decked up Christmas tree every single day.

Busted: Well, lets just say that does not happen. And if you are one of those who does it and is reading this, then it’s high time you get a life.

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And as for Mr. Creator of films on college, Mr. Creator of the utterly nonsensical college and school dramas, and all the likes, for once please put some reality into what you make.

Dear Tejaswee…


Dear Tejaswee,

As you know, I never liked calling you by a nick name (because I respect the fact that our parents put a lot of thought into deciding names for us). This is my sixth letter to you, the previous five being the ones I had written to you when you were in the ICU, when you needed to know what was going on around you. I know you never read those letters in front of me, but I’m sure you did read them later without letting me know. Sorry for the bad grammar in them by the way, you know what state of mind I was in when I was writing them.

It’s been exactly a month since you died. And I remember the time when we were sitting in my car, and you told me that when you die, you’d prefer people to use the words death and died instead of insinuations for it. I’m sorry for not saying so before. It was just difficult for me to do so. After you died, I felt lost for quite some time. Stayed quieter than ever, was so unaware that I wet my iPod in the rain and now even that is not working any more. I quit my dance classes (I know you’re going to hate me for it, but I don’t think I could put my heart into it). And most of all I had lost my belief in God. Maybe I was really angry with him. I just couldn’t see you go. I guess I came to know about God’s human side that day, of sometimes being more selfish than man.

By the way thanks for replying to my random conversations with you through my dreams. Each one of them was so comforting. So like you, always know how to make things better. I remember the time when I cried on your shoulder about my masi being really ill, and you just made it all so much better. And made me laugh after that, and I made you swear not to tell anyone that I cried.

I still haven’t seen inception by the way. We were supposed to watch it for friendship day, the day you were hospitalised. That day you totally outdid me with the ultra lame jokes you were cracking, about us to be positive, ‘cause that’s your blood group, and the fact that you’re in the ICU, but the irony is that no one can actually ‘see you’. You also told me to reduce my caffeine intake, and yes, it has fallen drastically (V and A are witnesses to that). A, V and A are fine by the way. They still do the best they can to take my case, and now that you’re not there, there’s no one to tell them to stop. I also added D on facebook. I remember when you had told me, that I might get along with him because he’s into dance.

Aunty is doing well too, she’s being really brave. I’m sure you already know that, and you’re looking at her and giving those virtual hugs you used to give me on the phone. Uncle was ill a few weeks ago, but he’s much better now. I talk to aunty every day, speak about your little quirks and eccentricities. I also tied two rakhis to your brother, K by the way. One from you and one from me. I remember when you told me how patronising you found the whole system of the brother ‘protecting’ the sister, and that it should be mutual.

I’m sorry about those nights I spent crying, maybe it was all pent up. You see, I did the best I could to hold it in, in front of aunty and uncle. And you know me really well, before you left us, you were the only one apart from my family, who’d ever seen me cry.

You know, sometimes when I look at little things, they remind me of you. When I look at my fridge, I’m always reminded of when you labelled me as your ‘fridge-friend’, which is a friend who opens the fridge in your place and takes whatever she likes. My pillow reminds me of when we were little kids in class two, and you had told me this story about the ‘magic pillow’ you apparently had. You bum, I almost believed you at that.

Tejaswee, you may not be around physically, but I know you’re there somewhere. I know you listen to me when I talk in the air randomly and hope like hell that you’re listening. Sometimes when I watch the rain, I remember the time we danced in the rain and got wet from head to toe. Before I knew you, I never thought love existed beyond a romantic relationship. You truly showed me what love is, when you took care of me in the medical room when I had got a severe asthma attack, when you came back for me when we were crossing the road, and I got stuck in the middle. When you got me those bodyshop lip-balms in front of me and never told me that they were actually meant for me. And all those times you showed me what it is like to love a friend with all your heart.

The last day that you talked to me, you told me you’ll always love me. And I know you’ll stand by it. Please keep coming in my dreams and talking to me, you’re the only one who could give me sound advice. Life is going on, sweety. But I don’t think it can be the same without you, at least not for now. It’s going to take time. I cannot let go of you so easily. But learning from you, I am living every moment to its best. I’m honing my talent of writing, which you always believed in and encouraged. I’m going to write a book on you. People need to know what an extraordinary person you were.

You will always live on in my heart, no matter what. We’re going to do the things you always wanted to. One of them being that all of us are planning to adopt kids like you always wanted to. I still miss you sometimes, but you’re the only one who gives me the hope to live life to the fullest. Thinking about you may someday retain my faith in God, because if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have had a friend like you. You will always live on sweety, we will never let your spirit die. You’ll always be among us guiding us through right and wrong. And I will love you forever, as I promised.

Till the next time that you meet me in my dreams, loads and loads of love and big virtual hugs.

A

PS: Say hi to Heath Ledger for me and tell him I’ve been a huge fan. 🙂 And stop blushing at the mention of Heath Ledger. 😛

Love…